Struggles navigating the modern workplace when you aren't neurotypical

Originally Published on LinkedIn: Article Source

Hi again, it's me Dana... your friendly disabled coworker. Ok, lets be honest, I'm not always friendly. That's what this article is about. Seriously, keep reading.

Over 3 years ago I wrote a few posts on medium, at the time I "thought" I was writing about innovation, hacking working styles, Meyers Briggs type stuff and what motivated people to think outside the box. That was pretty funny, because it wasn't until almost 2 years later that the truth was revealed. After going through some challenges at my job and adjusting to the virtual / remote workplace I started working with a therapist. During these sessions we talked about some recurring themes in my professional life.

I never felt like I fit in, except when I started my own company and created a workplace environment that made sense to me.

I always felt it was a struggle to integrate into existing ecosystems, especially when there was little onboarding and documentation on "how things worked". Figuring out how to navigate social and office politics seemed like an impossible task.

I always ended up in job roles that were unicorn roles, lone (wo)man on an island type roles, and I always wanted to be more part of a team but struggled in those formats and would default back to individual, solo'ish roles.

It was during these conversations I shared my old medium articles because I felt they did a good job of explaining my history and how my mind worked. It was during that sharing moment, I was asked... "have you ever considered the possibility that you could be on the autism spectrum?" "Funny you should ask" I responded, because I had stumbled across some literature on adult women and autism. How differently it presents itself and why women are so often never diagnosed. But when I asked some people close to me what they thought, it was very quickly dismissed.

Now I understand that dismissal was more to do with the lack of awareness of what Level 1 Autism in women looks like. And with that question of if I had considered the possibility, my old medium articles truth was revealed. Those articles were more likely the diary of a woman struggling to navigate this neurotypical corporate world without knowing she was on the autism spectrum.

So in the spirit of sharing catchy little lists of things you should and shouldn't do in the workplace. Here is my 5 things neurodiverse people can struggle with in the workplace - Ways to make a more inclusive company for people (especially women) with Level 1 autism.

1 . Making social connections with coworkers beyond those you regularly work with is really difficult.

Just because we play a social butterfly on TV, or social media doesn't mean we are good at navigating social situations. This one can be very confusing for people, neurotypicals can translate what appears like social behaviors as outgoing or even social and friendly. But neurodivergent people are often really uncomfortable and awkward with small talk, how to start casual conversations and how to infiltrate existing social constructs. We often need help! Knowing how to start more social conversations can be intensely stressful, draining and sometimes completely debilitating. Keep in mind that most social interactions outside the persons "circle of trust" are usually masking, theatrical reenactments of social interactions we have witnessed performed by others and then replicated to the best of our ability. Sometimes we are incredibly skilled actors. These are not genuine social interactions and are more like skillful performances of trying to "act like a normal human being".

2. Needing direct positive reinforcement, otherwise the inner dialogue can often be... they hate me, I think they hate me?

This one sounds selfish and needy, but I promise its not. If you are autistic you can often misread or misunderstand facial expressions. You may miss some of the nuanced queues, either negative or positive. This means the direct, tangible, actionable feedback is key. I think any person can benefit from receiving positive reinforcement, so thats a beneficial practice for everyone. However for an autistic person this type of positive, or negative feedback is really important in helping understand where you stand and if you are doing a good job.

My current company uses a system called Kudos, where every week you give people virtual high-fives. I've also had a company that used "tacos" in slack. These can be really helpful. But don't forget that this also can be a double-edged sword, when you are person that struggles a bit with the social interactions you can also fall into the trap of not engaging broadly enough ultimately losing the "popularity contests" these approaches can also breed. But however you go about it, remember to give feedback, in the moment as much as possible.

3. Changing the way something works or is done without notice or explanation.

Lets' be clear, this isn't an aversion to change, I'm a change agent! I love exploring the unknown and lesser navigated waters. But when you are neurodivergent you likely, very likely develop systems, methods, processes, routines and patterns. It's literally how we function, it often is what makes us exceptional at our jobs and why highly detailed work really suits us. However, when you change one of our systems without notice or explanation, you really throw us off our game. We can bounce back but it takes extra time, to process and calm down from the shock of the disruption.

It's always a good idea to not only keep us in the loop, but also provide a brief explanation to why the change is happening and give a little notice when possible.

4. Introducing... my awkward smile, because when I don't know what facial expression to give, I'm going to default to the one I was taught people "like".

I had mentioned reading facial expressions earlier, but this also means we can give out some strange ones as well. I was often told I had serious RBF (Resting B*tch Face) and I probably do. Often I'm just working really hard to understand and correctly translate whats going on around me and I don't by default put much energy into making a facial expression that is pleasing to others. However, after many many many instances of being called the B word... I have "learned" to default to a put on smile. Most of the time it works, some of the time my smile (that I'm often not even aware I'm doing because I've practiced it so much its just automatic) can be situationally inappropriate or awkward.

This is why in large team meetings or on days when I'm totally burnt out it's a "camera off day" for me. Because figuring out and managing my facial expressions constantly just requires way too much energy and I'm prioritizing getting the things done I need to and avoiding a total meltdown crash.

5. Lack of rules, definition or swim lanes is scary business and not often an opportunity to define but rather a minefield to fumble in.

Well this one is often the monster of my own creation, but I'd be inauthentic if I didn't mention it. This is really the culmination of all the above into a single challenge.

We have established, navigating social stuff independently can be a struggle, benefitting from in context and timely feedback positive or negative, unexpected changes for systems or processes and finally displaying sometimes peculiar or too bold expressions unintentionally.

These all roll up into a general difficulty successfully navigating company, organizational and political constructs that aren't well defined. This is very different from navigating business challenges, operational inefficiencies or identifying white space or gaps. I'm great at that, but the human beings side of that... not so much. There is risk of coming off too strong, overstepping, or sometimes completely falling flat on your face failing to navigate the corporate politics. I straight up suck at it. And because humans can be humans... it's not uncommon that after unintentionally rubbing someone the wrong way due to the above challenges and them not understanding that you struggle with those interactions you can really set off unnecessary internal politics that are the bane of an autistics existence. When we end up caught up in those tangles we really can lack the tools to get out of them. This can also lead to high turnover because sometimes its easier to just walk away and start fresh than to untangle that knot.

I wrote this for two reasons:

If you are neurodivergent, you might read this and say... yes OMG thats me. Hopefully you feel less alone in your struggle and know that others deal with the same challenges.

If you are neurotypical, you might read this and say... this sounds so much like my coworker. Regardless of if that individual is open about their autism or not, they might not even know they are on the spectrum. You can perhaps recognize some of these challenges and try to help communicate more clearly or effectively to help avoid or untangle these workplace challenges.